We are at the halfway mark of this pregnancy!  Here is a not so cute self-portrait from this morning, but I felt that I needed some documentation of this pregnancy.  I definitely GROW as the day wears on and my abs give out.

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(I was really on my way to workout…not just bumming it in my comfy clothes…although I do that too!).

Pregnancy is going really well.  I have quite a bit of energy now and never got too sick.  Only exception is the ridiculous bouts of sciatic pain.  it started at around 4 weeks and has progressively gotten worse.  I am seeing the chiropractor a few times a week…hoping to get some relief.  I have already almost fallen down the stairs 3x when the pain catches me off guard.  Worries me for when I am bigger and more unbalanced.  I have to get this under control.  ASAP.  

BIG NEWS: At my 20 week ultrasound today, they confirmed that it is a BOY!  Yep.  We will have 4 Boys.  God must have big plans for this family!  I won’t get the official results from the Ultrasound until next week at my doctors appointment, but he looks healthy to me.  Now, to start finalizing a name…and trying to get inspired on another masculine nursery.  Image

Precious baby boy.

 

This next part is just going to be me being completely honest.  Might want to skip over if you are feeling judgmental or can’t read this with an understanding, compassionate heart.

First off, I am so excited for this baby.  I truly believe that all babies are blessing.  A gift from God.  I am totally grateful to God for this child.  Another boy is going to be so much fun.  And our home is sure to be one full of laughter, energy, smelly shoes, pranks, love, roughhousing, balls (the sports kind!), camo, teasing, dirty dishes…you get the idea.  I can’t wait for what is in store for our family.  If I had to choose between having 4 girls or 4 boys, I would have voted 4 boys ALL DAY LONG.  Little boys rock.  And I am not uber girly.

But, there is a “but”.  Or maybe it should be an “and”.  While I am thrilled and honored to be trusted to care for 4 of God’s little boys, I am, in a weird way, mourning.  We are done having kids after this.  I will never be able to have the “mother/daughter” relationship that my heart has hoped for.  I don’t think it is a worldly desire to want a daughter…so I am a bit confused as to why it is was put on my heart, if it wasn’t meant to be.  I am not too sad (just a little sad) about the lack of precious outfits or mani/pedi outings, although I would have gone crazy shopping if this was a girl and I already had my girly nursery picked out.  It is more about in the future…as my child grows into an adult.  No helping her get ready for her first dance. Or helping my daughter pick out a wedding dress and planning the wedding.  Or helping as she has her babies.  Or weekly lunch dates just to visit.  Or middle of the night phone calls for parenting advice.  I think that boys and girls, in general, just have a different relationship with their moms.  And don’t get me wrong, the relationship between a boy and his mama is SO SPECIAL!  but different.  Maybe it is just something missing in my own life that makes me want that other relationship.  I don’t know.  For now, I just pray that God will give me peace on this matter.  

Oh, and please don’t ask me (or any parent of all boys) if I am disappointed, in front of my boys.  Or, you couldn’t get a  girl?  Or anything of that nature.  I never want my boys to feel that they aren’t enough.  They are amazing.

And, don’t ask if we know what causes this.  We do.  And we are completely happy and thankful for our big family.

Basketball team comments are acceptable.  I don’t even mind too terribly the “you’ve got your hands full” comments.  Because I do.  Literally. 

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